Occasionally, the ingenious idea I stole off some website years and years ago, gets used by one of my friends. Rachel is one of those friends. Rachel's quote book is the only current legitimate offspring of my stolen idea. And since it's so cool and she's so cool, I decided to add it to my ultra-cool (*g*) page.
Look! It's Rachel!
These are quotes from the people who are funnier than me because they said them. Or something along those lines. K is AWESOME cause she's putting me here and she said I'm cool and spiffy and all that good stuff. I'd ask her to marry me, but she won't. So... poo. Anyway. Yeah. Quotes. Read them. If you don't think they're funny then you have a BAD sense of humor. BAD I SAY! BAD BAD BAD!!! ... ::ahem::
Look! Here are the Quotes!
-"Or maybe you're an idiot."
-"Spike is The Devil. Not quite Ben, but pushing Carson and MTV."
-"It made about as much sense as anything else you'd say. Which means, no."
-"I moved to Alaska, I dropped out of school, got pregnant, and I'm now working at McDonalds."
"Good things to know."
-"You're going to Kentucky? Do you have your passport ready?!"
-"That siggy is jiggy!"
-"CHEESEMONKEYMAN!!!"
-"Roses are red
Violets are blue
So what if I'm bi?
Fuck you, too."
-"Been there, done that, bought new chair."
-"Are we impressed? I think we should be. It's a rather impressive thing, you know. I don't just update this any old day. Once in a blue moon, my friends, once in a blue moon. And this would apparently be the moon that is so once. Witness the blue that it is, for it is not yellow. Nor is it pink, purple, orange, magenta, green, puce, aquamarine, silver, gold, mauve, cream, or even, dare I say it, vivid tangerine. Nay, it is blue, and blue it shall stay, for this is the day in which blue is the color it shall be.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have reached the point where even I don't know what the hell I'm talking about."
-"You have corrupted my fragile little mind!"
-"I smell like coconuts. COCONUTS!"
-"We get to do the fun shopping!"
"There's fun shopping?"
-"I don't smell like coconuts, I swear!"
"Yeah, ya do."
"DAMMIT!"
-"Christmas is the weirdest holiday. What other day do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your sock?"
-"My mommy says I talk about boys too much and she wishes I was a boy. So I tell her that if I was a boy, I'd still talk about boys."
-"Wow, so the whole gay rights movement could have been avoided by doling out some prozac?"
-"I never lie! I just stretch the truth until it fits my way of life."
-"You inhuman little bastard!"
-"Don't suck up to her, she's not a straw!"
-"Men are so... just... MANLY!"
-"Holy crap, it's seizure-inducing-rific!"
-"::puts on a button that says 'I'm a horrid bitch and take great pride in it so talking to me might not be your best bet'::"
-"My town was invaded by killer death robots who enslaved the entire populace except me because they thought I was just too super cool to enslave so instead they gave me a high ranking title. I'm now the Lord High Executioner of Pelham which is no longer called Pelham since the takeover, but is now Robotopolis."
-"Burden us with your logic why don't you!"
-"Sometimes I wonder why my mind works."
-"Maybe a girl came in and started sucking on the cheesecake."
-"I'm a stripper, not a whore."
-"It's an old computer, it's having some trouble keeping up with me."
-"Fuck the other candy."
"Er... I'd rather not."
-"I am not a hamster. Manda may be a mango, but i am not a hamster."
-"Panda's a MALE donkey."
"Yeah! What she said!"
-"Panda has phone sex ads."
-"I am a sex goddess looking for a sugar daddy."
-"Besides, how would I have my phone sex without one?!"
-"Oh, really! Like I have a penis on my desk, waiting for whenever I need some personal gratification...it's a twizzler..."
-"I'm not naked, I just don't have on clothes. Does that make us the same?"
-"It's a negative star motel's floor! Prolly with mold! And I'm sleeping with someone I do NOT like!"
-"I'M GOING TO HAVE TO BE A TOURIST! And I have to sleep with her!"
-"Yay!!!! I get to be the DOG!"
-"Have you recently taken Lemon Wacky Hello?"
-"There's a FISH in your TABLE!"
-"I read PORN."
-"Hey! The fact that I'm a dork does not negate the fact that AOL is conspiring against me!"
-"Does Maggies have a spleen garden?"
-"Hey, just because I stink at this game doesn't mean the massive quantities of information I know aren't useless!"
-"Having a penis doesn't automatically make someone right!"
-"::claims your brain::"
"I don't have one of those!"
-"I'm just a really talented opposum"
-"Your foot has teeth?"
-"My nose doesn't have a brain!"
-"ONCE THE DOCTORS WORK THEIR MAGIC I WILL BE A PENGUIN DAMBIT"
-"I just want penguin parts..."
"I want penguin parts, too!"
-"My butt squished the tape"
-"I was drunk. It was bad."
-"That's it. I'm never washing my frelling clothes again."
-"My ex did the same and hey, am I making smoochies with any guys?"
-"I enjoy my butt as well."
-"I could use less of my butt."
-"It's better once you actually...do it."
-"Hey, you leave my flaming halibut out of this or I'll sew your mouth shut, and then how will you eat peoples organs?"
-"Yes. I <3 pop ups."
-"Like Del could type normal."
-"I'm not weird, I'm Mussolini!"
-"I am a hitman. Who accepts visa and penguin."
-"Holy Mother of Hell! (I think I just invoked myself...)"
-"Take your pornographic faux icing, strap on your gasoline underwear, and rocket to hell!"
-"I'm the newer improved Jesus. What I say goes."
-"That's because shots are the work of the devil."
"But he's usually so *nice*."
-"You should always buy the cow, and give us all your money, because we're the best sex you'll ever get."
-"I molested AND sucked on you."
-"I GOT A STUFFED ICE CREAM FROM BUNNY!"
-"Is your brain slightly disrputed?"
-"You can't decorate a personality disorder."
-"I am running a porn ring."
-"I want big purple dinosaurs on my ass."
-"I don't want anything oral."
-"That's obviously how I got by blood tainting AIDS. Bad candy corn. My gym teacher will be hearing from my lawyer!"
-"Unfortunately, I didn't get AIDS from the candy corn."
-"I apparantly caught Hepatitus B. Maybe it was faulty butterscotch."
-"It was a kinky butterscotch."
-"Can I squeeze your pumpkin?"
-"So if you only had one boob, that would work."
-"Well, he won't look like that when he's naked! Obviously."
-"Because the hot pink boa clashes with my eyebrows."
-"No, penguin and Panda is the same thing."
-"Why do you always write the oral things?"
-"I never thought about how hard a butt was."
-"And if I have a swelled head, that's more of me to love."
-"It's the fly of DOOM."
-"I was focusing on your love for smidge."
-"EXCUSE me, I believe I am your big toe NAIL."
-"I have another fucking overall wedgie."
-"Don't make me talk about the ambidextrous cocksucker."
-"If I'm going to be hit on by a webpage, goddamnit, it should be suave!"
-"What the hell does a penguin have to do with being a transvestite?"
-"My chicken is beeping."
-"All of a sudden, you were talking from my ass."
-"Cleavage! It's lik Cleveland, but your breasts!"
-"You have beltloops of DOOM!"
Look! It's something else to do!
Love Rachel? Think Rachel is ultra-spiffy? Want to learn more about Rachel? Or at least be jealous of her amazing web-site-designing skills? Go here and/or here and frolick in the amazing-ness. Go! Frolick! Twice!
